[Pandering note: if you find this
blog helpful and most of all want to help me get a new Hill Cantons
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Hear ye, hear ye!
For this month-only the Hill Cantons only semi-nomadic
weaponsmithery, Zikmund and Sons, will be making its cutting-edge
devices of things martial available in its silk-canopied booth in
Revoca Town's Trhove. Come for the free kolaches, stay for the
marvels of tools of harm both wondrous and jealousy-producing. Near
complete satisfaction or your gold suns back*!
+1 AC and d4+1
damage, 140 gold. Right-handed nocturnal duelists, murderhole
specialists, and compulsive self-lovers fear not, Zikmund and Sons
has you covered. This state-of-the-arm steel buckler fitted with both
external and internal lantern brackets allows you to be protected,
illuminated, and weaponized all while keeping a free hand. But wait
there is more, each shield comes with built-in dirk, steel gauntlet,
and gratuitous buckler-spike allowing the wielder to make a single
strike per round. With a mere 1 in 20 chance of a trifling left arm
break on being struck (say if you want to quantify on a randomized
20-scale a 'natural 20') this is an essential must buy!
Lantern sold separately.
Spring
Dagger
d4+1
damage, 70 gold. Get
an edge on your enemies with this nasty surprise of a sticker. Simply
press a button on the hilt and ho, you have three blades for one. Buy
our special silver-plated model at a mere 210 gold for dealing with
that stubborn lycanthrope or finanical advisor problem in your life.
Blowgun-Shield
+1 AC, d4-2 damage, 25 gold.
Stay protected while you penetrate your enemies from up to 30 feet
away. This amazing steel buckler combined with central holder/blowgun
is available on clearance: buy one get another free. Zikmund and Sons
is practically giving them away! (Inquiries regarding the addition of
paralytic, lethal, and passive-aggressive poison applications should
discreetly seek out the Guild of Slayers and Bloodletters in
Marlinko).
Tabat-Kopi
D6 damage plus special, 75 gold.
Designed for the discriminating footman, the Tabat-kopi (also
referred to “the grabber” or “groper” by the vulgar of
tongue) is an eight-foot polearm fitted with a razor-edged,
grasping-hand mechanism that can dismount a man-sized foe a full 40
percent of the time. Afraid of being in the frontline? Soil your
metal breeches not, this product allows you to strike from the second
rank!
Tabat-Kopi, Giant
2,000 gold. Need something a little
heaftier for your grabbing needs? We have it. The Tabat-Kopi now
comes in a 50-foot-long model weighing a convenient single ton. Act
now while supplies last.
*All Zikmund and
Sons products are not available in Himyar, core provinces of the
Overkingdom, or other realms overly valuing the rule of law. All
refund guarantees include a modest restocking/reprocessing fee of 39
gold suns and an additional cantonal inspector-graft fee of 26.5 gold
suns. Zikmund and Sons assumes no liability for the mangling of limbs
in its products. Before using any Zikmund and Sons product, users
should seek out the advice of masters of games for appropriate class
restrictions. Dual-weapon-use prohibited while employing products
except where permitted by ludic law.
Love it. I wonder if a special all-electrum Grabby can be commissioned as a conduit for range:touch spells.
ReplyDeleteBut what happened, somebody swallowed the dart?