Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Wikipedia Scab Line is Open

Will someone please stand-up for the poor entertainment industry? Corporations are people too. As a well-coiffed man recently opined, just because you were born in a lawyer's office and are incorporeal doesn't mean you don't have rights.

Ya basta.

Today's vicious assault on Freedom should not go unchecked. The Wikipedia barons have decided that you shouldn't have access to vital information today in pursuit of their anti-SOPA agenda. How can one check up on the details of the Sepoy Mutiny, wombat mating rituals, Liz Taylor's second husband, and other necessary facts in the next 24 hours?

Friends, I learned one thing from my years as a union man: the awesome power of scabbing. So today I offer this vital service: ask me any question you'd normally turn to Wikipedia for it and I will answer it--110 percent accuracy guaranteed!

29 comments:

  1. Dear Scabapedia,

    Can you please provide a concise overview of Fabianism? I'm reading Major Barbara for a class and need more info on the author's ideology.

    Sincerely,
    Jeff Rients

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In honor of the subject matter I will go slowly. Fabianism was a late 19th cent. Britisher Social Democratic doctrine modeled on Quintus Fabius Maximus, the Roman general famous for his delaying tactics against Hannibal.

      The Fabian further believed that the proper way to defend against the war elephants of Capitalism was to deploy loose lines of skirmishers armed with javelins to panic them. However this only worked on a roll of "1-2" on a d6.

      Next question.

      Delete
  2. What's the name of the hot chick in that Sorcerer's Apprentice movie that came out a couple years ago? I want to look at pictures of her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dude Rebecca Black. Ask me something challenging next time.

      Delete
  3. A list of all the people who posed for Rembrandt's Night Watch would be super, thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Foreground left: Captain Frans Banning Cocq Foreground right: Lieutenant Willem van Ruytenhurch

      Backranks starting from left: Fritz, Lil' Duchie, Willem of Orange, Ool, Ool's Special Lady Friend, Chirrinaga hi Tlakolne, Beardo, Chuck, and Big Duchie.

      Delete
    2. Also, could you identify the polearm and musket that feature in the painting? Oddly my World of Art History book has nothing to say on the matter.

      Delete
    3. Channeling Gygax's ghost here: spetum and clearly there is no rifling on that musket so it's just called a matchlock.

      Delete
    4. On second thought a ranseur.

      Delete
  4. I need maps and castles, and town names near Margat (Marqab) during the Crusades (~1139-1153).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here you go: http://schestowitz.com/Interests/Screenshots/Mario/mario_castle.jpg

      Delete
  5. What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Is it true that you can press Escape while a Wikipedia page loads to avoid the SOPA blackout?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A lie spread by the Scott Lobby.

      Delete
    2. Sounds like a toilet paper funded lobby group!

      Delete
  7. Dear Scab, I have trouble understanding when I should and when I shouldn't use the -은데요 ending in Korean verbs. Please help: I have a hot Korean chick to date, and the bitch is very sensitive vis-à-vis proper verb endings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't sweat it. As long as you drop in the phrase "I respect the right to ferment cabbage" somewhere in the conversation, you'll do fine.

      Delete
    2. You're advocating fermentation without marriage?

      SINNER!

      Delete
  8. I thought fermentation leads to marriage,
    particularly when you marry a Korean...

    (I speak from 26 years of experience!)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Who am I? In the grand scheme of things, why do I matter?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are an insignificant speck in a vast and uncaring universe ruled by alien elder gods. Thus you do not.

      Delete
  10. When did Etta Candy make her first post-Crisis appearance? Who wrote it? Was she always envisioned as a marine, or was that detail added later?

    ReplyDelete
  11. What is known about the deities of the Myrrhyn? Are there any graven images extant?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I need you to suggest the right spelling for Myrrhyn, please.

      Delete