Tonight on Raving Foxoid News...
Kralian dissident and humorist Shmul
Klemm has shuffled off his mortal coil. The author of the acclaimed
political joke compilation The Loudspeaker Spoke Up and Said
was found slumped over his holowriter yesterday dead in his Unterzone
flat from an apparent self-inflicted icepick wound to the head. In
Autokratic Kral, apparently, joke kills you.
In other news on Freedonia, a
surprisingly turn in the perpetual stalemate that is that moon's
civil war. The city-state of Pikkaro having gone 0-4-1 in recent
battles has raised its white flag and been annexed by neighboring
Pakha. Local observers say that the fractious nature of the
Microbalkanizers League mean that its just a matter of time before
Pikkaro reasserts itself as a polity.
FINESSE (the Federation of Industrial
Needs Evolving into Economies of Scale Etc.), reputedly an astroturf
lobby for Monglocorp, is calling for a “system-wide deregulation of
mineral extraction rights of Novo Marlank's neighboring intrasystem
bodies” citing inefficiencies in “business unfriendly local
polities and other market rigidities.”
In Autokratic Kral, secrets keep you. |
In homage to Klemm, some excerpts from
The Loudspeaker Spoke Up and Said:
Four
dogoids -- Mongloite, Kanusian, Xite, Kralian -- are discussing their
lives. The Mongloite dogoid says, "the robo-servants used to
leave meat out for me, but now I have to bark for it." The
Kanusian dogoid says, "you have robo-servants on Monglo?"
The Xite dogoid says, "they feed you meat?" The Kralian
dogoid says, "they let you bark?"
Guard asks Kralian political prisoner,
"what's your sentence?"
"Ten years," he answers. "But I did nothing."
"Liar," says guard. "For nothing Autokrator only give five years."
"Ten years," he answers. "But I did nothing."
"Liar," says guard. "For nothing Autokrator only give five years."
Citizen Yvan applied to the Vibes
Committee militia. The Kral City chairman conducts interview.
"Comrade Yvan, do you smoke
e-cigarettes?"
"Yes, I do a little."
"Do you know that Autokrater does
not smoke and advises others not to smoke?"
"If Autokrater said so, I shall
cease smoking."
"Do you drink?"
"Yes, a little."
"Autokrater strongly condemns
drunkenness."
"Then I shall cease drinking."
"Citizen Yvan, what about women?"
"A little...."
"Do you know that Autokrater
strongly condemns amoral behavior?"
"If Autokrater condemned, I shall
not love them any longer."
"Citizen Yvan, will you be ready
to sacrifice your life for the Kral?"
"Of course. Who needs such life?"
Klemm was a great talent and will certainly be missed.
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