Tuesday, March 17, 2020

The Mauve Plague, Gravy Urns, and Batlace Frills: News from the Hill Cantons

And now the News...
In a statement beamed from the Oracular Society today Morafans the Rickmaster, the Psychosocial Health Minister of the Overking, has issued guidelines for the “mauve plague” of crowned micro-psychonauts sweeping the borderlands this season. Hill Cantoners are advised to stay underground for extended periods of time preferably in small armed groups of 4-12 to avoid mauve plague infection.

Morafans also clarified a recent statement from Our Dear Overking Adaulf II that his people should “embrace chaos—we have the greatest chaos, the best chaos--and prepare for the End of All Things” as “poetic license that in fact means quite the opposite, all other interpretations are nuncupatory.” Construction of the Great Ziggarut will continue in order as part of the royal stimulus package.

Panic buying of white gravy and halushky has created severe shortages throughout the Cantons. Lady Draga, her most serene boyaress of Revoca Canton, is offering a cold hard cash bounty of 5,000 gold suns for the procurement of the Great Gravy Urn of Svat the Four-Faced from a nearly murderhole.

In equally important news “Little Szara”, the newly-arrived Marlinko high society bon vivant, has introduced mandiblar-bat frills into local fashion. Everyone who is anyone is wearing them, really darling.