Oiorpata and Battle Barge Contest

[This being the players handout for an adventure I have been cooking for my weekly Hill Cantons home game.]
Oiorpata, Isle of the Western Amazons
Dedicated to Michael Shea 
“Beyond the steamy wetland glades, where moss-stained helots harvest blood-pearls from the polyps of the Mire-Dells, there rises the amber spire of the Palace of Many Lashes. There reigns Her Supreme Rubenesqueness, Hisfytla, Vy-Queen of the Oiorpatans, whose every morning begins with a piercing contest and ends in song, wine, and selective laceration.”
—Drimkin Polvault, Court-Certified Fool of the Overkingdom
The Hook
Hisfytla the newly-crowned queen of the Amazons (western branch) is holding a lavish contest in which outlanders are invited to captain large combat barges “long-term leased” from the Eld in a battle of wits and valor. Qualified contestants will be supplied with a barge and crew of male-helots. The winners are promised a 2,500 silver “balsaccs” (extremely-large Amazonian coins worth five of your masculine tainted gold pieces ) and magical accouterments worthy of your ranked status. Male-presenting losers will be granted special lifetime entry-level positions in the Regal Torture-Harem. 
Long live the Vy-Queen!

On Amazons
Zem, the turtle-borne world of the Hill Cantons, bears not one but two great nations of what are ham-fistedly called “Amazons” by the weak of imagination. 
Both tribes claim a common founding (and likely apocryphal) figure the great Queen Dwar Kin and a similar martial and matriarchal bent to their cultural ethos, and despite their differences in psycho-geography and language, they exhibit a rather remarkably consistent culture.
Those that concern us,  the Western branch, dwell in Oiorpata, that distant and exotic isle near the resting point of the Sun Lord's daily ride. They are a fine, strong-boned, if verbally assertive race noted for their love of high-crested, baroque helmets, polished armor, and knitting circles. World famous is their biennial Ebon Festival of the Pearls, a soiree that marks both the climax of the black pearl harvest from the swamp-polyps and the victory of that muscle-bounded race of maidens against the invading forces of the Overkingdom in the Twicefold Battle of Vague Suggestiveness, now some 112 years ago. It is said that the high-point of the festivities is the public bathing and drinking by their much-feared, rubenesque queen of the blood of 12 male lovers.

Geography
Location: Western rim of the World-Turtle Zem, near the Sun Lord’s nightly plunge.
Biome: Temperate rainforests, massive fern-glades, sulfurous wetlands, mist-wrapped escarpments.
Mainland Access: Rare trade barges and magical leasing contracts with the Eld.
Notable Locales
Population
Amazons (Oiorpatan): roughly 4,000 population
Strong-boned, loud-voiced, and fond of layered, plumed armor. Matrilineal society with complex caste-rankings based on athletic victories, poetic output, and prisoner-lashing statistics.
Helots (Male Slaves): roughly 6,000 population
Used for manual and service labor, rowed combat barges, and involuntary participation in interpretive theatre.

Culture and Society
Martial Customs: All Oiorpatan females are trained from youth in hurled and thrown weapons. The pilum, atlatl, and razor-boomerang are national obsessions.
+1 to hit and +30 ft range with hurled weapons.
+1 melee damage with spears.
Courtship Rituals: Often involve ritualized games of capture-the-helot, followed by hot baths and a recitation of one’s martial pedigree.
The Ebon Festival of the Pearls: Held every two years during black pearl harvest season.

Main Locales

Name	Description
The Sweltering Mire-Dells	Swampy lowlands where muscular, short-lived helots harvest black pearls from semi-sentient polyps.
The Spire of Many Lashes	Central palace of Queen Hisfytla. Equal parts throne hall, dueling ground, and musical amphitheater.
The Erolus Helm-Spires	Towering basalt cliffs with warrior monasteries carved into their faces. Pilum-throwing is practiced here by launching spears at passing birds.
Port Cryzalune	Half-sunken, obsidian-docked port where Eld-crafted barges are docked and loitering mercenaries eye their fate nervously.
The Moistwood	Temperate rainforest thick with ghost-ferns, carnivorous orchids, and shrieking fungal motes. Avoid the pink-tongued cypresses.

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• Knitting Circles: Despite their aggressive militarism, Amazons are fond of communal knitting.
  
  

Current Events: The Contest of the Barges

Queen Hisfytla, newly-crowned after a 37-hour ritual wrestling match in a mud pit shaped like a unicorn, has declared an open challenge to all outlanders:

“Let it be known that the Contest of the Barges shall begin when the Blood-Moon rises above the Braided Swamp! Any brave enough to test their brawn, brains, and helot-management skills may win silver balsaccs and enchanted prizes! Losers will receive consolation accommodations in the Regal Torture-Harem (entry-level tier). Long live the Vy-Queen!”

Rules of the Contest

All contest entrants are granted:

1. A fully crewed barge, leased from the mysterious Eld Shipwrights (who are oddly hands-off about returns).

2. 60 Helot Crewmen, armed with atlatls, paddles, and deeply demoralized attitudes.

3. Two strange animals of uncertain use (e.g., a gliding spider-lamb, a prophetic frog with a stutter, etc).
   
   

The contest involves navigating a course through:

• The Barbed Canal, full of snapping lilies and spikey traps.
  
  

• The Fog-Crypts of Tuyzzl, a haunted lagoon where the water whispers back.
  
  

• The Feathered Arena, an open water coliseum where barge-to-barge combat is performed before a panel of Amazonian judges and sycophantic foreign poets.
  
  

Fabulous prizes to be awarded to the winners:

• 1st Place: 2,500 balsaccs (five times the value of gp, a nominal total of 10,000), enchanted accoutrements, and an honorary sash in the Queen’s own hue (Pantone: Blooded Rose 119).

• Other Finishers: Potential for courtship, minor court roles, or rigorous flogging internships.