Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Overking Needs You

Excerpt from the interview with Three-Eyed Pavol, headman and sole survivor of the border colony of Trnova. As recounted by the scribe of Bohdan, under-senschal to Raugraf Androj Animachus the Younger.

Bohdan: Again from the beginning of the attack, itself. Surely, man, you can't still be drunk? It's been over a day since you've received the hospitality of my most puissant and gracious master.

Pavol: Dzzeruphenated.

[Bohdan slaps the hollow-eyed beet-red headman soundly across the face with the handle of his horse-whip.]

Pavol: Sweet jabberin' black goat of the thousand hills, you overshtufed popinjay! I tolds you what I knows.

Bohdan: Again or I shall reapply the supplications of my whip.

Pavol: It twas earl in the morn and I was sounding out the sturdiness of my tuber-cellar.

Bohdan [impatiently cuts in]: yes, yes you were inebriated and passed out from the debauched rites of your borderlands pagan rites of the night before. [Shudders and makes a two-fingered counter-swirling sign of the Sun Lord as practiced by the Reformed Orthodox Seventh Lodge.] Just what happened man.

Pavol: There was a screamin' and a yellin' something fierce. I armed myself fir battle with an over-large chleb-root and bravely strode out to meet the enemy.

But them was a quick buggers—and furry. A pack of wolves I tell you but like men. They were up on two legs and all a hollerin' and a hootin' between their big wolf fangs. And they were making a right bloody mess o' the colony village. Killin' and a hackin' away. If it hadn't been for that Svat-cursed malplaced cellar beam, I would have whip 'em a-plenty.

Bohdan: yes, yes, you craven drunken imbecile, you knocked yourself senseless running into it. But how do you account for a complete massacre of every inhabitant? And the failure of them to lift away the pay coffers and other valuables from Trnova? Are the Brazonians that daft and bloodthirsty?
[End excerpt]

Such, such is horrific nature of the adversaries we face in the coming war. Who are you to refuse pushing a pike to defend our stalwart border cantons?

Wanted: bellicose men and women to command bands of men in this war beyond measure. Your every wit will be put to test by the play to come.

Interested parties should inquire over the ether at kutalik dot gmail com. An appropriate recruitment bounty of 200 gold suns and higher will be released to you upon the swearing of your oath of service to the Overking in the presence of our Most Puissant and Resplendent Sun Lord.

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