Thursday, January 17, 2013

From the Hill Cantons Cook Pit: Halushky and White Gravy

A guesthouse is not a proper guesthouse in the Cantons proper without heaping platters of a hearty glue-like whey, potato, and meats concoction, halushky, staring back at you breakfast, lunch, dinner and night.

But why only vicariously try them through a mediated, imaginary avatar in a dubiously-run and often arbitrary game world? Here's your chance to bring weird cooking into the sterile comforts of your own modern, real world existence.

Hill Cantons Halushky
2-3 Large potatoes
Flour 4-5 tablespoons
1 egg
1/3 lb. Organ meat (or bacon if you are a wuss)
1 lb. Vryndza (uni-horned sheep cheese, substitute a milder goat cheese and milk in this plane of existence)
Salt (preferably extracted from the briny waters around Slumbering Ursine Dunes, but any salt will do)

Peel potatoes and finely shred them. Add egg and flour. Make a dough that is not too tough but not to watery. You may use more or less flour or add a little bit of water if it is too tough. Add 1 tsp of salt. Boil water with 2 tablespoons of the salt. Drop a little bit of the dough into the boiling water. Be sure the water is always boiling. When the halushky are done they will float on top of the water, pick them out with a strainer.

Fry organ meat (or bacon, if you must) until golden-brown. Chop finely. Heat cheese (with milk if you are using one of your Earth cheeses) until it makes a sauce. Be sure to stir and keep the heat low so as not to burn it.

Heat everything together, continually mixing. When it starts to boil, remove from the heat. Slather on a pool of mutagenic white gravy (see below) and meat as garnish, serve. The dish is usually accompanied by plum brandy, sheep's milk, and/or a horrific hangover.

White Gravy
Cost: 1 lady (sp)/clay jug
An omnipresent, semi-viscous white salty mess liberally poured on two of the major food groups of the cantons: dumplings and halushky. Mako, a black, peppery spice ground into the gravy, is in fact a beneficial mutagen conveying an immunity to psychonauts and other meta-pathogens that affect agency. Cantonal gravy is now exported widely through the Flailsnails multiverse.


  1. I like these little details about the setting.

  2. Replies
    1. Thanks I will have a steamy heap all fixed up when you visit with Trey.

  3. Organ meat? Is that akin to scrapple or are we talking minced liver?

  4. Wait, wait, wait one cotton pickin' minute. YOU did a food blog and I didn't know about it until just now.

    What the heck?

    PS: I like how you call your readers a wuss. At work we have hot sauce and then what I call, wussy sauce.

    Happy Eating :-)