Wednesday, November 16, 2016

The Salacious Salon of Sxiploi

An excerpt from the upcoming What Ho, Frog Demons (fourth book in the Slumbering Ursine Dunes series) for your amusement, a little stylish sub-level inside the Temple overlooking the Hot Hell in which you can employ the Top Ten Books of Hell list (along with some other guiding boxes in the text to help with the demonic repartee.

Room 10. Cloakroom. Blixr, a sickly thin frog-demonette with flaccid urine-yellow skin and a loose-fitting (but immaculate) white uniform fronted with golden braid sits on a tall stool here behind a counter. In a terse, heavily-accented croak she ask for cloaks or other outerwear, producing from a slit in her wane neck an obsidian token in exchange for the article of clothing. A delicate cape made from ocular-bat wing membrane (worth 150 gold pieces) and a heavy ermine coat with thick shoulder pads and inexplicable rows of cast iron barbs (worth 500 gold pieces) hang on a rack behind her. The demonette will only attack if the cloak rack is disturbed.

Blixr [AC: 5, HD: 2, Hp: 9, Attk: 2, claws 1d4]

Room 11. Moist Towelette Room. Two large white-steel covered buffet trays sit here on a gleaming, polished marble counter. Two cans of magic sterno (low open flame burns for 24 hours before running out) sit below the trays warming neatly-folded moist towelettes. A small sign scrawled in menstrual blood states “take one and only one and refresh.”

Taking more than one has no consequence.

Room 12. Salon. The salon is decorated in the clean, crisp lines of Late Hell Modernist style: bare, polished rock floor with light thin metal gas burners (mounted on the wall for illumination) and a long airy window on the southern wall emitting red light. Through the glass panel (which overlooks interdimensionally the Hot Hell), a massive pillar of fire can be seen arching up from a plain of volcanic glass littered with styrofoam cups. A low, black wood coffee table has three tiny artfully-arranged delicate bowls containing decorative ebon black, pale green and blood-red pearls (worth 2,000 gold pieces each) and a platter of giant fly thoraxes wrapped in lammasu bacon.

Lounging on three low, sleek hobbit-skin couches are three Type B frog demons, Kanvmp, Hilrtnoc and Vasescltz, debating and discussing the political dimensions of soul-juice derivative markets (they vary in the difference of regulation of said financial instruments) and Hot Hell literary trends with their host, Sxiploi, a severed donkey head resting on a velvet cushion. The demons will react to apparent sharp points by the mute and long deceased head. The debate is punctuated frequently by droll, cutting gossip about local Marlinko human notables.

The demons will not immediately attack but will demand that party member participate in their conversation. Failure to provide more than two real-time minutes of interesting conversation (or attempts to steal the table bowls or otherwise be a boor) will bore the demons enough to fight, otherwise they will let the party come and go with no fuss.


  1. "Taking more than one has no consequence."

    Genius. I can only imagine the kid of suspicioun the PCs would have looking at the sign. I know my PCs probably wouldn't do anything a sign warned them not to for fear of a magical trap.

    Incidentally, I have just started up my own gaming blog at Your work has been a big influence on my GMing and blog writing. I would be fascniated to see your thoughts on the odd way I have used the Eld.

    The party met a chained up Mindseer named Bilobax in a chaotic in-between worlds dimension but this psychonaut had developed the odd condition of requiring his purple glasses to use his abilities. So he agreed that if the PCs would let him down, he would tell them where to find the stolen gear. He told them they could have anything but the glasses. Once he got his glasses, he scanned their brains and sent knowledge of their world to the Overmind to prepare for invasion.

    One of the PCs rolled high enough on their save to be able to be aware that they had been scanned. They took his glasses and tortured him by repeatedly throwing little rocks at his head. He then fell off a platform on top of a demon from the Hot Hell.

    Somehow he made his way to the tournament that the PCs were on their way to, using the demon as a mount in the joust. We haven't gone any farther than that but the PCs actually seem to like Bilobax, who has come to partially enjoy being reapeatedly hit by rocks.

    1. That's wonderful thanks for sharing that story. Your brain sounds as broken as mine.

  2. Seems like a delightful place to visit, obvious need to brush up on my Late Infernal Poetry critiques though.