Thursday, April 7, 2011

Random Chart for Lazy Blog Posts

Roll d6
1 [Cue the sound of the tundra wind.] You couldn't get your shit together sufficiently to even scrape together even a half-assed post. Get free roll on Real Life Chart B.
2 Hot Elf Chick”. If I have to explain it, you forfeit a roll on this chart. -2 on next roll if you expend extra energy trying to put a clever or socially-meaningful twist on the post.
3 Now class, Coach Hand is sick today, so we have this El Cid filmstrip to watch.” Post YouTube video, or Frazzeta picture if hard pressed. Bonus 1d4 lazy points if you remember that you posted it last year.
4 PieLover over on Dexterity Armor Class Bonus blog...” Instead of writing that comment on someone else's page you just go ahead and post that badboy with a linkback as your own post for the day. +1 on Karmic rolls if it's a lower-traffic blog. -1 on next Lazy Day roll if more than one other blogger has posted likewise.
5 What did Gary intend when he wrote Missile Fire Cover and Concealment Adjustments in the DMG?” Open preferred edition gamebook to random page. Quote extensively from said selection and top with open-ended questions. Eschew commentary and/or analysis over two sentences or post will polymorph into Not-So Lazy Post on a failed save against Petrification.
6 If you can still move your hand, roll again twice.

Chart additions and modifiers, dear readers?

[Editor's Note, this post on Zalchis is awesome.]


  1. +1 if you make your readers laugh on a consistent basis.

    I still owe you that commentary from yesterday, CK.

  2. Hey Cake: I liked how a roll is forfeit if you have to explain number 2. And number 3, getting those bonus lazy points if we remember that we already posted it last year. Although number 3 is pretty good too. So many good ones, hard to pick my favorite. Good stuff. Fun post.

  3. @Wampus
    It's inexplicable to me why you are commenting on this post, my fine slacking friend, when we are all hanging on seeing the fruits of your erudite wisdom in the last. (This faux-asshole thing, I am starting to enjoy.)

    That's why it's a random chart, if you had the energy to make a choice you might not be tempted to go down this infernal road in the first place.

    And thanks!

  4. "Blog Fight / Condescending Comment about another Blogger" is noticeably absent from your list.

    That's so typical...


  5. It's funny you should say that, the title of my next blog post is "Strange Magic: Why This Dude is Playing it Wrong"

  6. Why is this a d6 chart, Chris?

    WHAT THE HELL?!?!?

    No d8? No d12?


    You've lost it, man.

    It used to be about the blogging, man. You've changed.

  7. Guilty as charged, Scott. I just received my fat check from the Parchessi Dice-Makers Association. I would have gone with the spinner from Life, but they totally lowballed their bid.

  8. You filthy sellout!


    I'm taking the amps, pedals, and the Zocchi's with me when I leave.

  9. Real Life Chart B (d8, thank you):
    1-7 fell asleep
    8 something else

  10. Faux-Asshole thing? What is so faux?

  11. See, Chris... Ragnorakk uses a d8.

    I remember when you were just a little guy blogging in a garage...

    ...back when you used REGULAR FONTS!

  12. My favorite lazy blog posts are usually those who celebrate a milestone like a certain number of posts or followers with no other content apparent, except maybe a picture.

  13. Hey, I actually made a real post JUST NOW. No chart rolling required.

  14. Now I'm feeling guilty about my last 2 posts being blogged-up comments to other blogs. So guilty I'm going to have to post a JOESKY payment I was keeping for my next dose of BLAHBLAH.

  15. @Scott
    You can't keep those crappy Zocchis they don't hold a shine to my sparkly, rock-tumbled lucky six die.

    And you'd didn't see Ragornakk's original draft which called for using the spinner from Life and Hello Kitty cards fer chrissakes! He's just trying to play the OSR street cred card here.

    Besides Arial font is for squares.

    I know, those are the height of lame:

    I don't think that counts as a real post.

    We are all about the guilt here at the HC. "Jewish invented, Catholic perfected," as my special lady friend is fond of saying.

  16. Seriously low-balling this table. The options you describe are comparatively interesting to the daily fare on Grognardia.

    1. the 60-word review written about a game released twenty years ago?

    2. scratchy drawing of supposed dungeon level featuring halls and rooms.

    3. image having extremely marginal D&D context.

    4. 40-word account of why blogger isn't posting.

    5. image from old D&D book.

    6. request for attention regarding blogger's newly painted miniatures.

  17. @Richard
    Just having seen your blog post in which you spin-off a discussion from Trollsmyth's spinoff of my post makes me think you rolled a "6".

    But you made it too smarty-pants--which puts it in the Not-so Lazy danger zone.

  18. Chris...

    You ignorant slut.

    May the might of Joesky smite you down!

  19. @Alexis
    Oucha. I was waiting until the release of the Grindhouse edition to reveal the Extended Dance mix version of this chart, but you beat me to the punch--and did it better. There truly is nothing new under the sun.

    "...the 60-word review written about a game released twenty years ago."

    Does this mean I should back off from my plans to review the AD&D Permanent Character Record Folder?

  20. @ckutalik: Will the Extended Dance version be available for pre-order?

    Will it be packaged in collectible sets of cards?!

  21. You know ... I don't feel like doing a blog today, but I've really enjoyed reading these comments. Maybe I'll just post this link, along with how many days I've been blogging and picture of some rotten peaches, which I will Google gank from Cake.

    So fun.

  22. I’m guilty of taking a real-life situation, putting it into gaming terms and then calling it a blog post. This can work if you can get the right amount of humour into it, but you run a real risk of just looking lazy otherwise.

    See skill challenges on Holiday Shopping and The Battle for the Remote.

  23. Ugh, I'm guilty of Alexis's #4, but I usually reserve those posts for long absences...

    I like the bloggers that schedule their lazy posts on a weekly schedule :D